Spring has made herself pretty comfortable, the mercury taking no time at all to get up to 70 degrees today. It’s break time in Juanitaville, me and Arthur are enjoying a glass of iced tea with Kool-aid, making our strategy for Summer.
The first thing I notice at this time of year is, I am wearing waaaay too many clothes. Hating the cold like I do, I like to pile-on the Winter snuggies, whole matching sets of woolen underwear, fleece pullovers, and a gi-normous pair of Levi’s I got off the $10 rack at Salvation Army. I can pull those babies on over a pair of pajamas, and nobody is the wiser. Top that off with a fleece lined hoodie, and I’m set from November til, well – until the mercury suddenly shoots up to 70 degrees one spring day and I found myself leaving layers of clothing all over the yard.
The second thing I notice is, none of my Spring clothes fit me anymore, especially the bottoms. Taking a quick step onto the old bathroom scale, I find I have a hard time seeing over my mid-section to determine my true weight, and when Arthur ventures a read, I tell him to shut his mouth!
Ten pounds over! Again? Shut up!
Winter foods, you know, they’re just so filling. I make this observation after a breakfast of ham and pancakes, with butter. Idiot!
Arthur has a simple suggestion – stop eating so much, Fatty! Sheesh, if only I could. Did you know, exercise makes you fat? It sure works that way for me. I got up this morning, walked out into my yard and set a torch to two burn piles, and then I commenced to walk up and down a hillside for two solid hours feeding those piles full of needles and other tree debris, getting ready for fire season. Oh my Goddess, by 9 am I could have chased down, butchered and eaten an entire pig.
When my husband takes me mountain biking, I get a craving for In and Out Burger, like, just load a tray and toss them to me from the window, will ya? I’ll bark and clap my hands like a seal, I promise!
Yes, exercise makes me so hungry, it’s like the food just evaporates off the plate. I know, I need some sort of kill switch, maybe a note to my self from my obese future self – “stop eating, right now!”
No, I am not obese. But I know I’m overweight when I can’t button my pants, and I don’t want to have to go out and buy all new pants. What, buy bigger pants every year?
Well, I did buy those stretch Levi’s. Yeah, Levi’s makes stretch pants now. They look just like jeans, but you can eat more ice cream. Of course, my old jeans have that top button that can be unbuttoned in the case of overeating, as well as various belt holes for adjusting.
When I put on my old bikini, I was so offended, I cast it out. Then I realized, it wasn’t the bikini’s fault, it was all that damned exercise, and the subsequent eating.
It doesn’t matter what, either, you can get pretty fat on salad, I’ve done it.
Coffee doesn’t work either, not when you load it full of sugar and milk. Idiot!
So today I made this big pitcher of tea and Kool-aid – cutting the suggested cup of sugar down to one third. I’m hoping this will keep me off the coffee with milk and sugar. We’ll see where that goes, try the shorts on again in a couple of days.
Arthur! More Kool-aid!