Hello from the Death Machine!

 I woke up this morning to find my constant companion, Arthur Itis, throwing a bitch fit about getting the lid off the dog food bucket.  You know, when your bones are rotting, the stupidest little task can be completely confounding.

When I went to the doctor about it, he handed me a bag of painkillers that would eat the hull off Old Ironsides, and a card for his chiropractor friend. I have tried chiropractic, I’ve tried massage – those treatments felt great while I was getting them, but wore off over the car trip home. I had to laugh – I had a regular 3 pm appointment with my massage therapist, I’d get out of there at 5pm.  She’s right next to the freeway, by the time I got out of the car I felt like somebody had folded me into a pretzel. 

I also have compression in my lower back and neck – I didn’t need an x-ray to know that – I can turn in this chair and it sounds like somebody’s shuffling a deck of cards. 

I whine about this on my blog because there’s nothing else I can do about it. The one trip to the doctor for a bag of pills I have been afraid to use cost me about $200. The nurse didn’t speak very good English and kept writing stuff down wrong. I had to look over her shoulder and correct her several times, and after that she wouldn’t be corrected, she just wrote down what she wanted. I looked at her report later and she’d gotten it completely screwed  up – for one thing, I had told her a long history of my problems and she’d written that the symptoms had just appeared that day, stuff like that. 

I’ll tell you what, giving my SSN to the kind of people that run doctor’s offices and ER’s these days is nothing short of alarming. Right now LifeLock is running a commercial about a person whose SSN is stolen by the receptionist at her doctor’s office. Should I be doing background checks before I go to the doctor’s office? Probably.

Obama promised us rainbows, we got a load of bullshit. Hello from the Death Machine. Don’t believe me? Well, why don’t you call the finance office at Enloe today and ask them what kind of Obamacare they accept? Ask them if they accept the Bronze Plan, let me know what they say. I’m guessing if you tried to check in on Covered California you’d find yourself on the way to Oroville. 

So, me and Arthur are headed for a hot tub. We let it run until it is just about scalding, and then we get our rubber duckies and we get in there up to our necks. We do our arm exercises, we make big circles and little circles, we do the same with every finger. The thumbs hurt like Holy Hell. Then we try to stretch from our hips – not our backs! – and touch our toes. That’s funny, I struggle to touch my toes now, what a hoot. 

Today I’m going to try to get on an aspirin regimen – remembering to do it is the main thing, right after a meal. Aspirin has been good to me in the past, I even like the taste, go figure. It’s supposed to be an anti-inflammatory, I’ll keep you posted.

Of course I exercise – there’s the conundrum for you – exercise is what did this to me, how can they say it’s good for you? But it is – I know, only because if I don’t exercise, it hurts more. I ride my bike alot, I do yardwork, even hanging laundry is a good workout, because it means carrying weight about 100 feet and lifting stuff over my head. But, I’ll admit, I don’t get alot of aerobic exercise, where you get your heart rate up, and I think that’s important because it releases good chemicals in your blood  stream. I might try fast walking, because of course running too high impact. I’ll keep you posted on that.

I try to stay positive, but sometimes I just need to gripe. Thanks for listening!

Shut up Arthur, you talk too much. 

 

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