Yesterday my family took me to Tahoe for what will probably be my last snowboard trip of the season. It was sunny and bright when we pulled into the parking lot, but at about 11 am things started to change, fast. At about 1pm, the old cook came on deck, and said, “Fellows (and gals), visibility is getting close to zero, come on in and get some free chicken Cesar salad.” We ate lunch and headed for the car, having logged a good many trips down the groom.
I have never been much of an athlete. Maybe my mom put the mark on me with her worry – she said, I was clumsy, and somebody should keep an eye on me. So, as soon as my husband isn’t watching, I do something completely out there. Yesterday I pulled off a sideways 360!
I was coming off a run that is always troublesome for me – a steep rounding curve that ends in a swamp. If you don’t take that curve at about a 100 miles an hour, you are in the swamp, you have to unboot and paddle yourself back home. Paddling is probably the worst part of snowboarding, really hard on my back and hips. So, I want to go fast, but my kill switch keeps going off. And, I don’t know how many times I’ve come howling around that turn to find some little family sprawled out across that alley, and no where to go but all over creation.
When I came around that turn yesterday, and saw that alley clean as a whistle, I turned off my kill switch and let her rip. Wow, I was going so fast, I was getting air over little bumps in the snow. I remember thinking, this would scare the hell out of my mother, she’d probably swallow her cigarette. As I neared the end of the run, I could see the open lane in front of me, and I made the huge mistake of complimenting myself. Oooooops! As I was making that turn onto the fairway, the edge of my board hit a frozen spot in the snow and Holy Flip Flop Batman! I was thrown onto my helmet, and my snowboard started turning like a helicopter blade. It sounded horrific from the inside of my helmet (btw, did I say, thank goddess for helmets!) – all this crunching and scraping. I don’t know exactly what happened – I always close my eyes, ever since the time I jumped off the chicken house and watched my own knees come up and slam me in the face. But when I stopped, I was sitting on my butt, my head was a banging like an old brass drum, and, all my pants (three pair) were on sideways. I had to go to the ladies room and dive in there to straighten everything out.
Well, nothing a good cup of coffee wouldn’t cure, went out and finished what was left of the day. But now, I feel like Landlady after a fight with the Beast. Watch for the part where Landlord tries the spin maneuver on the Beast – that’s what happened to me!
Watch Kung Fu Hustle in it’s entirety at Primewire.